No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
