did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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