No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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