I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
