you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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