He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
