I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
