Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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