Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
