Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
