I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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