Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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