Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
