if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So drunk its hurt
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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