just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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