So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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