Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
