I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
