also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
