I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
