I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
