It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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