He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
