Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
