I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
