i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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