o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
