ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
