Sponge bath it is.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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