did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
