There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
