It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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