His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
