My first STD was from a foam party
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
where does the pee come out of this thing
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
