I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
