Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
