We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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