You're my little dorito
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
