never play flip cup with pint glasses
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
