Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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