I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
