I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
