have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
