I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
