I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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