you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
