when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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