I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
