btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
