i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
